No Parking

It's days like today that I'm fully aware that God has a sense of humor, and I believe it's my purpose in life to make Him laugh! I'm beginning to believe that my life with dysautonomia is script for a new sitcom. The jist of the comedy is to see how many strange and funny situations you can put a chronically ill middle aged woman in.

It's a typical day for me, another one of many follow up appointments for my BFF (Big Fat Foot). I'm fully prepared, ice vest in ice chest, water, salty snacks and a good book to read during my typically long wait in the waiting room. I arrive at the parking lot 10 minutes early, only to find a line into the lot 50 cars long (exaggerated number, but 50 sounds much better than 12). When I finally pull into the lot there's a sign that says "Lot Full". Now how can a hospital parking lot possibly be full? My mind goes into typical "Michele" mode, I can't be late. I can never understand why I worry about being late for my doctors when they are always late for me. So I'm thinking I can park in the street somewhere, I've totally forgotten the fact that I have a handicapped parking placard, and I all want to do is make a b-line out of the lot. Unfortunately I'm behind an elderly woman who's afraid to move forward or sideways and seems to be struggling with a decision as to which direction she should go. Bingo, she makes a decision, I can see her backup lights heading straight for my front bumper! She decides to go backwards. I'm thinking as she's backing up that surely she sees me behind her, and that she won't run into me. As she gets closer I begin to worry and I take a look in my rear view mirror and notice that the car behind me is just inches from my rear bumper, and there's nowhere for me to go. Then BONK, sure enough she bumps into me! We both get out of our cars, and survey any damage, both cars are fine, but I'm experiencing an adrenaline rush and racing heart rate. I get back to my car in hopes to finally get out of that lot and into a spot somewhere not too far.

I find a parking spot two blocks away in a lot that says "City Water Building, No Parking unless you have official business". I'm thinking I'm two blocks away from my doctors office and I don't care what the sign says, I'm going to be late and this is the closest parking spot I can find. I have a handicapped parking placard, so I'll take a chance. I grab my bag and hurry to my appointment. There's a cool breeze and I'm thinking I should be fine. I walk a block and feel winded, I walk past the hospital entrance and feel dizzy. I'm only a building away, I tell myself "you can do this, you're almost there keep going". I walk about fifty steps and I'm very dizzy, everything is tilted, I can feel my heart beating through my chest and I'm short of breath. I know I can't go any further so plop myself on my butt, and place my head between my knees, I'll just sit there until I feel better. NOT! I didn't realize it at the time, but I guess I plopped myself right in front of the emergency room entrance! Now I couldn't find myself in front of the gift shop or the vending machines, NO, I end up in front of an Emergency room! Now in my head I'm not very worried about the physical state of my body, this is typical pushed myself too far, and I need to rest and I'll be fine mode of thought. But to someone looking at me in front of an emergency room door, I'm sure I looked totally different to them. A woman came to me and asked if I needed any help, I said "no" of course, but I guess that answer wasn't good enough for her. She replied you look terrible let me get you some help, I shook my head no, but she was insistent. Next thing I know there's a big burly orderly in front of me with a wheel chair trying to help me up. It's then that I realize that I'm sitting in front of an emergency room door "Oh no!". If you've read my blog on my last visit to the emergency room, you know this is the last place I want to be! In my head I'm panicking because I'd rather die than be left in some sound proof room lost for an hour, with medical personnel who know little or nothing about my disease! Now I'm still dizzy, my heart rate is 140, my head is foggy and I knew I wouldn't be able to say anything coherent for at least five more minutes. Now there are a few people standing around me, and I'm thinking this is bad. But I manage to tell the orderly that this is normal for me, please give me a few minutes. I'm left alone with this kind man who waits patiently by my side and after about 5 minutes I begin to feel a little better, my heart rate has dropped to 95. I tell the orderly thank you, and that I have dysautonomia, his response; "I've never heard of that before", I giggle and say "not many have". I slowly try to get up, and tell the orderly thank you. He asks me, "Are you sure you'll be OK?" I tell him "yes" and head for my doctors visit, because now I'm late!

By the time I get to my doctors office, I'm dizzy again with all the symptoms I just experienced in front of the emergency room. The nurse says "your late!" I shake my head in digust and try to sign myself in, but the page is blurry, the nurse shoves another paper in front of me and says you need to blah-blah-blah, I can't make out anything she has just said to me, I give her a confused look initial something she is pointing to, and plop myself into the nearest chair. I curl up, close my eyes and try to get myself back to normal. The nurse says something to me, and I don't respond and it's then that I guess she realized something is wrong. A minute later she is helping me into an examining room where they check my heart rate and blood pressure, which are both through the roof. The doctor comes in, and I remind her that these symptoms are normal and will probably get close to normal shortly. She asks what brought it on, and I explain about the long walk because of the parking situation, and she lets out a moan and explains that there is another parking lot around the corner with a shuttle service to this building. I giggle again, and she gives me a "she must be losing it" look", and gets on with my BFF issue. She can't figure out what's wrong with my BFF, and refers me back to my rheumatologist, so I'm back to square one again. The doctor has the nurse call for a shuttle, and the shuttle guy gives me a ride to my car. I explain what lot it's in, and he responds "oh no, I hope it hasn't been towed away, they're always towing cars from that lot!" I giggle again, because it figures. I get to the lot and woohoo, my car is still there, better yet, no ticket!. I thank the driver and head for home.

As I begin to ponder over my latest explerience I think maybe the humor thing might be the other way around, I'm sure God is putting me in these crazy situations to make me laugh! Who knows, maybe I'll write my own sitcom. Now for a title, Dysed and still laughing, or maybe the silly adventures of dysgirl. Hmmm I'll have to work on that.

Still inspired,
Dysgirl Michele