Saturday, June 12, 2010

Electric Cart/Bumper Car

It's Saterday, and better yet, shopping day! I woke up this morning having a worse than normal POTSy morning. Being typical Michele, I decided to push through it (see previous blog), and take off for the market. As I get out of my car I'm feeling shaky, dizzy and tired. Now this should have been my cue to turn around and head for home and my very comfortable bed. But no....., being my typical stubborn self I decided to push through it. Though I'm not so stubborn that I didn't see the writing on the wall, and I did make what I believe to be a smart decision, and use the electric shopping cart in the store.

I picked the one closest to the door, got settled in and pushed forward. It won't go! There is no manual, I guess most people are brilliant enough to figure it out. After several minutes, and several tries, I get my cart to go. Immediately I felt I had made a mistake, I felt like I was moving in slow motion, this shopping cart was sooooooo slow! It was like energizer bunny meets Tommy turtle. In my head I'm screaming "I NEED SPEED!" When I'm in my car I like to drive fast, driving isn't a means to get from place to place, it's a race to see how fast I can get there. You've seen the likes of me before, I'm the one passing you on the road only to be stopped at the next stop light, but at least I got there first! So I'm lumbering down the first isle, and have to get up to reach the soda on the top shelf, and I'm thinking, "I hope all my items aren't on the top shelf, or I'm doomed!". The store I'm shopping at is going through a remodel, and they have decided to move everything around, the gingerale is no longer in the soda isle, and I'm screaming again, "who in corperate America decided to put gingerale in the nut isle?" Oh I know, only a nut would come up with that (sorry just venting). I get my gingerale, and head around the corner. I ended up going down an isle that I didn't need to go down, and my shopping cart dies! I look around, and see a young woman working at the end of the isle, and I call out to her, she doesn't respond, I think she's ignoring me, so I try again, this time I get her attention. I ask her if she can call someone to bring me a new cart, and she disappears. As I'm sitting there, I decide to try my cart again, and Bingo, the cart begins to move, again at a snails pace. I decide to drive myself to another cart to save the store workers the trouble. I pass by management, and explain what I'm attempting to do, and they send someone with me to help me switch carts.

Carts are switched and I'm on my way! This cart is way faster than the last one, woohoo the race is back on, until I crashed into the corner of a graham cracker display and knock over a half dozen boxes of crackers. And I'm thinking to myself, "well what do you expect, they're in my way, what else was I going to do, slow down and go around them?" I head for the place I left off, and find that two out of every three items are on a shelf that I can't reach grrr! I turn the corner and the bread isle is cluttered with bread racks that workers are unloading, and my speedy cart won't fit. I'm thinking again, " hmmmm, my cart would make a pretty decent bumper car, and I'm sure I could push those bread racks right out of my way!" But reality sets in, and I don't want to be banned from the store, so I stop my cart, get out, and walk down the isle and get the bread items I need, then head back to my cart. I'm out of breath, and could really use a couch at this moment, but I push forward. I need bananas, and try to get as close as possible. I stop in front of a dried fruit display and reach for the bananas, but the cart decides it really liked crashing into the graham cracker display and creeps forward and knocks over the dried fruit display, oh no! Now, the veggie guy and I are on pretty good terms, and when he heard his display tumble over he turns around to give the person who destroyed his display the evil eye! After he realizes it's me, he gives me the one eyebrow raised look, and heads in my direction. At this point I'm out of my cart trying to make things right for my favorite veggie guy! He asks "what's up?" and I explain about my rough morning and the need for the cart. He tells me he's surprised by my story, but he explains that the store usually doesn't allow demolition drivers to drive their electric shopping carts. I chuckle and apologize, and after all is picked up I head very carefully to finish my shopping. Because the store is not in it's usual order, I've forgotten a few things and head back to look for the items missing. My cart is overflowing, these carts are not meant for those with families. As I head around the corner, the eggs slip off the top of the cart, along with my bananas! I hang my head down with shame, and look for someone from the store to clean the mess I've just created. The young woman who went for help when I needed a new cart gives me a look and heads for the phone, next thing I hear is "clean up on isle 12". I get the items I've missed, including the eggs, and rest them on my lap, and head to the check out isle.

The store is really busy, so I unload the cart myself. By the time I'm done, I'm so dizzy, I can't see straight. I sit back in my cart a bit dazed, the cashier asks for my store club card, and I give her a blank stare. She asks again, and very shakily I hand her my card. I can only imagine what she must be thinking about me (intoxicated comes to mind). She completes the sale, hands me my receipt, and wishes me a good day. The bag boy asks if I need help out, and I tell him "no thank you", I believe I've caused enough trouble and head out the door.

I'm sure after I left the store management found a video clip of me and made a sign for the employees warning them not to allow me to use the electric cart again. It probably says something like "Warning this woman is dangerous and will destroy store property! Do not allow her to use an electric cart!"

Honestly I won't do that again, I'm more tired from that trip than the trips when I push my own cart. Needless to say, the next time I will know better than to go shopping without enough spoons to push my own cart.

Still inspired,

1 comment:

  1. Oh Michele I feel so bad for laughing but it was like a scene from a sitcom. You wrote it beautifully. I snorted out loud with "clean up on isle 12". The things we do, but at least you got your groceries. I've umed and ahed at those carts and each time I think no I would rather lay down next to the dried fruit display than get one ( I am also not adverse to leaning over the freezer with the frozen fish in it). I feel I may have made the right decision :)