Thursday, April 12, 2012

Keeping up with Rover

I needed to make a trip to my local home improvement store today. My bathtub drain is running slow and I think a drain snake will do the trick. I always get a bit excited when I'm faced with purchasing a tool that proves that I can tackle a home repair on my own. Unfortunately I can't help but dread these trips because the store is the size of a football field and always leaves me pooped out. This store has so many items it could take a day just trying to find one. Since I'm on Easter break and only need two items I thought I would designate a day to tackle the task. If this trip does cause a POTSy crash at least I'll have several days to recover.

I head into the home improvement store and I'm greeted by two peppy store clerks who offer to assist me in finding my items! Wow, I've hit the home improvement store jackpot! The lady assisting me is in no hurry to get me to the item I'm looking for, so we casually walk through the store at my snail paced speed. We find the aisle and she points out the shelf I need and she leaves me to make my choice. I pick out something within my budget and realize I also need a tub screen to stop the drain issue from happening again. I roam around the store lost as usual. Luckily another store clerk offers assistance and we're off again. This time my clerk takes off at the speed and agility of a Labrador retriever! I'm practically running to keep up with him. I almost lose him twice as he dashes between customers, carts and forklifts to get to his destination. When I finally catch up I'm out of breath, leaning against a rack, bent over trying not to pass out. He looks at me and smiles and says "you don't work out much do you?" I giggle and when I catch my breath we begin to discuss my tub issues. He decides that I have the wrong tool and he offers to show me something much better that costs less. With a big smile the man (I call him Rover) takes off at full speed to the other end of the store. Again Rover's darting around all objects in his way and I'm beginning to giggle again thinking this may be an interesting challenge. I'm also wishing I chose to take the electric shopping cart. Oh the fun of darting down aisles at full speed with the excuse that I was trying to keep up with Rover the store clerk if I knock something over. As I take off through the store I end up losing my pal Rover, but I remember he had told me what I needed was on aisle 31. I head in that direction and find him waiting enthusiastically with several items in his hand to show me. By this time I'm really dizzy but on the good side I now see two Rovers! I close my eyes for several seconds and when I feel my heart rate has slowed down I open my eyes to see one Rover staring at me with a look of concern on his face. "Are you okay mam?" he asks. I'm still too out of breath to answer so I put up one finger in hopes that he'll give me a second. I finally am able to speak and explain that I have a medical condition that makes it hard for me to keep up with him. He apologizes for moving so quickly and begins to show me the products. After I replace the over priced item with the new cheaper item, he suggests I need a high powered chemical to help dissolve the clog. So we're off to another part of the store and I realize he's forgotten about my medical condition because he's taken off at full speed! No longer up for the challenge I try to follow Rover at my own pace and fortunately he is heading back to me with a bottle of drain clog chemicals and a pair of safety goggles! He excitedly explains that the chemicals like to spit and can be very dangerous! Hmmmm..... just what I need, spitting dangerous chemicals! Rover has no more suggestions for me and he takes off enthusiastically for another customer. As I head for the cashier, I'm thinking I no longer need an electric cart but a roll away bed. Luckily there is no line at the check out counter and I head to my car.

After a long rest I tried out my new gadget. I'm happy to say it works better than I expected and now believe every home should have one! In case you're wondering the gadget is called "Zip it", it's long, thin, barbed plastic about the length of your arm. It's quick, easy and it's very cheap.

Your inspired POTSy plumber,

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangled us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

Monday, April 9, 2012

In Search for Mr. Clean

To clean or not to clean? That is a question I ask myself every time I pull out the cleaning products in hopes of putting some sort of dent in a house that appears to be over-run by dust bunnies, shower grunge and the science experiment in the toilet. I'm not a lazy person and I really don't mind house keeping chores, but my evil POTS nemesis doesn't seem to want to take on house keeping chores. My lungs seem to close up and the rest of my body becomes useless. It often takes a full day to make up for 30 minutes of cleaning the shower. Now many of you may be thinking maybe POTS has its advantages. Giving up house keeping doesn't sound like such a bad thing. But living in a dirty house is just gross! Who wants to bathe in shower grunge, collect dust bunnies on the bottom of your socks or barf in the science experiment growing in the toilet(ew!).

So yesterday as I was laying in bed surrounded by pillows, trying to recover from the POTS revolt over cleaning the grunge covered shower. I began trying to solve the cleaning issue. I visualize the cleaning products that have triggered all the problems and then I see the solution is simple, and has been staring at me from the bottle of my floor cleaner for years, "Mr. Clean"! I need to find me a real life "Mr. Clean"! So now the problem is finding "Mr. Clean". I guess the first place to look is on one of those dating sites with catchy names like (fake name). I can just see the post "Looking for a man to clean the grunge in my shower, the science experiment growing in my toilet, loves to eradicate dust bunnies, is attracted to pasty white skin, purple feet, doctors visits, likes ER's, enjoys laying around watching TV and has a sense of humor! I can see the lines forming as I write.

Hmmmm.... maybe I need to come up with a second option. I could ask my adult children living at home. I just dislike asking them to become my own personal slaves, they do so much already. I could also start trying new cleaning products, hopefully something earth friendly.

I have to say part of the fun of writing my blog is finding pictures to go with my post. This week was truly entertaining. There were Mr. Clean imitations, altered Mr. Clean men, and even a few almost nude men with cleaning products strategically placed. There were a few pictures of gentlemen who looked like they would be a nice addition to my humble abode.

Inspired to giggle,

Since I'm in a cleaning mood;
Psalm 51:10
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.