Sunday, May 30, 2010

How does God want to use this battered body

I was writing to a friend on facebook, and learned so much through the writing of this letter, that I thought I would share it.

Hi my friend,
It sounds like we're in the same quandary. I've been really struggling with how God is going to use this battered body of mine. I feel so useless. Before POTS I was very involved in ministry at my church. I was a leader in a recovery group, and had my fingers entwined in it daily, along with the usual community and church activities. Much of the recovery ministry involved making phone calls (I sponsored woman with eating disorders and co-dependency issues), and leading small groups and also going to churches and sharing my testimony. I can barely hold the phone to my ear for more than 5 minutes, and now I can't stand and speak in front of people, the adrenaline rush use to be a good thing, now I get so symptomatic I can't finish my testimony, which is not good for this type or ministry. I've thought about using the speaker phone to ease the phone issue, but I can't put the woman I sponsor on speaker phone because of confidentiality issues, so needless to say, I'm not able to take my usual part in that ministry. Community projects are also difficult as you may know, not knowing how I'm going to feel and not knowing what the weather is going to be like can be a challenge. The church usually has sign ups for those various activities, but how can I sign up when I don't know how I'm going to feel on any given day. There's seems to be a medical reason for not participating in just about every ministry opportunity out there.

I have never been one to sit well, and at first I thought God was calling me to rest. Resting in Him is a very good thing (I had a bible study on Resting in Him just before I became very ill with POTS, and knew that God does call on us to rest). Before my POTS diagnosis I had been so busy serving I had exhausted myself. I thought God had called me to rest and be served. It's been 2 years, and I'm beginning to wonder if I may be wrong in thinking resting is what God wants for me, there has to be something more to this life than resting! But again I'm using my timing and my understanding, not His. Sarah had to wait till she was very old before she could finally bare a child, and she wasn't the best example of waiting patiently, but God fulfilled His promise to her, and her son became the father of a nation. It's in our nature to want everything now. I know this is difficult, I'm sitting there with you. Maybe God has called us to minister to each other, to comfort and encourage one another. God never meant for us to be alone or isolated. Maybe this is our ministry for now. On the bright side, the other day you acknowledged something I had said, and at the time I was feeling so invisible, you gave me the encouragement I needed to realize I'm not alone and I'm alive for a reason. You never know how just something small may be a lifeline to someone struggling. Keep being the amazing woman God made you, keep praying that you are obedient to His will, and listen to that whisper of God answering your prayers, God loves us so much, and only wants the best for us.

Always inspired,

Before I wrote this letter I was playing a computer game, in my head I told myself I need to write to my facebook friend who is struggling with the same issues of not feeling useful to God, in my head I figured I would write when I was finished playing, but the answer I got, was get off this game and write to your friend now. I'm thankful God doesn't hit me over the head every time I want my way. I wrote to my friend, and received many of the answers I have been searching for. I had begun considering my computer as a place of prayer, since I spend much of my time praying for those in need, I thought that was my ministry, but I wanted more. Encouraging one another becomes the social connection I believe I was missing.
James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

1 comment:

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