Sunday, October 24, 2010

POTS: Tornado warning!

My life with POTS has left me feeling like I'm living the movie "The Wizard of Oz". One day I'm struggling with POTS symptoms, that resembles the bleak black and white world of Kansas. The next day I'm almost symptom free and living in the joyful, colorful world of Oz. After two years of having POTS, I'm still surprised by the fickleness of my symptoms. It often reminds me of a tornado destroying one house and the house next door is still completely in tact. The randomness of the destruction is a mystery.

The POTS tornado seems to skip over me at work! I've often shared how blessed and fortunate I am to be able to teach. I'm awed and amazed that I'm able to walk to my car at the end of each day. Teaching kindergarten is no easy task, most of my students have been the center of their families universe all their lives (as they should be). Now place those precious five year olds in a classroom with 31 other five year olds and only one teacher to meet all their needs and it's quite a shock to their little systems. Now add the hundred or so standards that the state of California requires me to teach them, the shoe tying, the emotional meltdowns, the glitches in the schedule and the daunting task of preparing them to be the best students they can possibly be is overwhelming at times. Being able to complete my day is nothing short of a miracle, so I celebrate this accomplishment daily, knowing God must have a purpose for me in this place.

The POTS tornado seems to touch down for odd reasons as well. Like grocery shopping (which I love), I'm always completely wiped out, exhausted and very symptomatic after every trip. POTS seems to strike during worship time also, singing leaves me out of breath and dizzy. The loudness of the worship band does odd things to my heart rate and adrenaline, I've learned to sit at the back of the church which has helped quite a bit. It can be so frustrating, today I went to the front of the church to pray with a friend (my heart wanted to be there so badly), the band music was roaring and so were my POTS symptoms. It was so distracting that I started to become angry, I was able to remind myself as to why I was there, and put my mind back on track and finish what I was called to do in the first place.

I often wonder at the randomness of the symptoms. Why can I do such a strenuous job such as teaching and yet shopping, singing and worship music sends me crashing. I'm learning to be thankful for what I can do, and ask God for answers as to what I can't do. If I listen hard enough I'm sure He'll answer!

Inspired and learning,

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