Saturday, May 21, 2011

Party Leftovers

For some reason this week I've been comparing myself to party leftovers. You know.... those things you throw in the trash after the party is over; the shredded pinata, deflated balloons, and the drink saturated napkins. All looking quite stunning before the party, all carefully chosen and meticulously placed. Only to be thrown hurriedly into the nearest Hefty garbage bag as soon as the party comes to an end.

It all started on Tuesday night after my open house at my school. After many weeks of working with 32 kindergartners on special class projects, cleaning the room, prepping bulletin boards and binding student work it was all over in an hours time. It left me feeling like a shredded pinata that has been joyfully hit with a large stick by many exuberant children on a mission to be the one to burst it open and the first to grab handfuls of candy. There wasn't a part of my body that didn't feel achy and bruised.

On Thursday I had a School Site Council meeting and two parent/teacher conferences. When I got home all I wanted to do was get in bed and hide. That night my oxygen levels felt low, tingling arms and lips with a side order of brain fog. I felt like a balloon that has been deflated, completely stretched out of shape and wishing for more air.

On Saturday I had a wedding shower I was looking forward to going to. When I got there I felt pretty good, all of my closest friends were there and it sent my spirits soaring to see them and connect with each of them. When I walked in everything was lovely, all carefully thought out and prepared. As the party carried on my body began to rebel. My body doesn't seem to appreciate sitting for any length of time and church folding chairs are not the most comfortable. Sitting in one for more than 10 minutes can make the sturdiest hiney squirm. The noise level seemed to increase as each minute passed as everyone was laughing, sharing and enjoying one another all I wanted to do was to flee to my soft bed and take a nap because my body had finally hit overload. As I headed out the door to leave, I passed a sopping wet napkin and thought to myself that it looked how I felt, overused and a shapeless clump ready for the nearest Hefty trash bag. As I headed for home I began feeling resentful that POTS seems to be stealing the things I enjoy most

Party leftovers seems to be an ongoing theme for how I've been feeling the past month. All I seem to want to do is curl up in bed with a good book. It's times like these that I loath myself the most, I should be joyful and thankful for this precious life I've been given, but all I want is an overhaul and my life back as it was. Having a pity party and looking for the Hefty bag!


Psalm 26:2
"Cross examine me, Oh Lord, and see that this is so; test my motives and affections too"

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