Saturday, December 18, 2010

My BFF has a New Friend

My BFF (Big Fat Foot in case you've missed a blog or two.) has a new friend. Which would be my BFB, Big Fat Belly! I would prefer not to have Big Fat anything, but POTS seems to be a magnet for everything undesirable!

One of my POTS symptoms is constant nausea. It feels like morning sickness all day long without the the sweet prize after nine months. At first I responded as most do, and didn't eat much. The decrease in eating seemed to make my POTS symptoms even worse, and the nausea only increased. It took over a year to discover that eating small meals all day helped my nausea and gave me little boosts of energy as well. Eating has become a triggered response to nausea. I feel a little nauseous I eat.

It doesn't help that the foods my body likes most are a bit high in the fat category! I crave nuts, dairy, breads and pasta. Fruits and veggies sit at the bottom of my stomach like a giant boulder with time a of digestion equalling that of a piece of chewing gum (which is several years according to gum legend).

All this eating has its consequences. Two years ago I was a size 0, two years of my new eating regimen and I'm an overflowing muffin top size 4. Dieting in any way shape or form is out of the question. I struggle with an eating disorder, and trying to diet would only put me on a path of insanity! I was a walking, talking calorie calculator. I couldn't put a single thing in my mouth without doing a mental calorie count. It took me a while to accept eating as a good thing, food has always been like poison to me, what's a girl to do? Exercise is a problem as well. Anything that makes my heart rate go up triggers my POTS symptoms. Yoga positions make me dizzy. I'm not sure what the answer to this problem is, but to be honest my fear of becoming as big as a house are beginning to look like a possibility. The serenity prayer seems to be the one thing I can cling to. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This is a small hurdle compared to others I've faced. I'm lucky I can eat, many people with this condition often have serious digestion issues. Maybe that's the answer, eat while I'm still fortunate to be able to do so. There may come time when I won't be able to eat the way I can now, and the extra spare tire around my middle may come in handy.

Inspired Michele muffin

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.


  1. LOL I have the same problem. I find for nausea, crackers work better for me than junk food bc I always had crackers growing up if I got the flu. I have definitely gained weight! I have done a bunch of different exercises and I find the only ones I can handle is either swimming, or on a recumbent bike.

  2. It is a challenge for me to keep the eating disorder in check. While it has been some time (2.5 years since my last relapse) since I have actively engaged in symptoms and behaviors, I find it is next to impossible to not be triggered frequently, especially when nausea IS such a constant companion (and while it isn't as frequently, throwing up is not a stranger).

    I pray for you, you pray for me? That's the only solution I have.

  3. Oh the good old muffin top! I have given up on it's leaving now. When I was getting dressed for the wedding yesterday I put on my uberspanx in the hope of wearing a dress I love. It was so uncomfortable that I simply took it all off and put on a much more forgiving dress and was comfortable for the whole night. My belly may have been hanging out, though concealed by some well placed draped fabric, but I didn't care. I'm trying to accept my body as it is but I will say it's a sloooowwwww process. At least we can all commiserate together. :)